Lettuce doff our caps and bow our heads for a minutes silence.
It is with great sadness that we are in court today to decide on the matter of Lettuce’s demise. You as the jury must deliberate the evidence and unanimously state if Margaret is guilty or innocent.
What have you to say, Margaret?
I wish to plead not guilty your honour.
Very well state your defence.
It all began last week when I decided to change my life style. I first met Lettuce at the supermarket. We instantly connected. I invited her home, and we became friends – she was always accompanying me at meals.
For a few days, all went well until the Pepper bumped into her. Pepper told her she was taking up too much space in the fridge. Seeing Lettuce’s plight, I suggested she shed a leaf or two which I happily helped her do.
Lettuce tickled my senses, that juicy and crunchy texture, made it difficult to resist. Now half the size I put Lettuce back in the fridge. I could hear lots of compliments, but Pepper refused to be impressed. Sweeping Pepper up onto the chopping board I sliced the vegetable in half and threw it into the wok. Pepper with chicken, delicious served with rice and Tom.
Of course, carry on.
During the night my stomach began to rumble, I mean I am talking volcanic explosion here.
Lettuce was calling from the Kitchen so I joined her. We got chatting about the state of the country, and I didn’t notice Pepper’s left half hang glide towards the table.
Before I could do anything, he scooped Lettuce up and flew away. He cruelly said, “Lettuce is mine” and laughed in a disturbing way. A distressing racket came from the dining room, this time it was not my stomach! The vegetables screamed their last as Greedy, my dog, jumped up and claimed his midnight feast.
That Me Lord is how Lettuce met her demise.
Do you have anyone to collaborate your story?
Only my dog Sir.
Call the dog….
Sorry, Your Worship he has just been sick.
Can you find any evidence to support Margaret’s account?
Um, yes My Lord, both vegetables are present.
In that case, the Jury will be dismissed to ruminate and cogitate till they reach a verdict.
Have you reached a unanimous decision?
We find Margaret guilty of healthy eating.
Murdered by misadventure.
Greedy I sentence you to eat dog food only from this day forth.
Oh, by the way, Margaret how did your weigh in go today?
I lost 1lb Me Lord.
Did you note the deliberate mistake, if so what was it?