Frozen in time the frustration of the weigh-in

The weigh-in, an experience frozen in time. Feet glued to the scales, eyes averting the verdict, the waiting – have I or haven’t I… oh the agony!

Margaret Kazmierczak's slimming diary

Trimmed to slim

“What! You’re joking.” I stood on the scales clad with lightweight clothing – anything to keep the pounds off and give a correct reading. In anticipation having won slimmer of the week last time, my hopes were high.

Trouble

I found Lettuce skulking in the back of the fridge; she refused to look at me as I retrieved her part frozen body. “About time,” she said. “I’ve been waiting two days!”

The prognosis appeared sad, wet leaves sagged on one side while the remaining stayed glued together. “I’m gonna have to let you go, old girl, you’re too far gone.”

“Oh no, you don’t.”

“Soggy lettuce isn’t on the menu I’m afraid.”

Wonky temperature

My fridge, a bone of contention, operates on a cold and frozen setting. Therefore, anything that finds its way to the back of it freezes so only half of the appliance works. With others in the house rummaging around inside things get disordered and misplaced. Such fate beckoned Lettuce.

Margaret's slimming diary

Disposing Lettuce

Opening the door to the rubbish bin, Lettuce clung onto me, her frozen leaves sticking to my hand. Shaking didn’t seem to work, so I peeled her off leaf by leaf. Watery tears dripped onto the floor.

“Watch where you are going, you’re all wet!” said a disgruntled radish head as Lettuce flew to her final destination.

“Why did Margaret do this,  she loves me so much – we are inseparable?”

“We all end up here dear.” Carrot shavings tried to comfort Lettuce but failed.

“But this is such a waste, how about using a hairdryer to dry me out?”

“Seems Margaret knows best Lettuce, I mean you are in a sorry state. What happened?”

Three interesting facts about Lettuce
Margaret's slimming diary
  • Did you know Lettuce is always eaten fresh? Because of its high water content (95%), it cannot be frozen or canned. 95% – No wonder I keep going to the loo!
  • The lettuce that the Greeks and Romans ate in ancient times had sleep-inducing properties. This property, however, has already been bred out of the current varieties of lettuce – That’s a shame I could do with some sleep!
  • When storing lettuce, keep away from fruits that emit ethylene, such as apples and bananas. Ethylene is a gas that hastens the ripening process of certain fresh fruit and will cause lettuce to decay much faster – It’s all bananas fault, who put that banana in the fridge?
So back to the story

“Last night a hand intruded upon my free time then when it had finished looking for the pepperoni it tossed me to the back of the fridge. Frantically I pleaded with milk to swap places, but she just laughed, waddled in front of me and plopped down in my favourite area. I mean the cheek! She came from a cow’s udder and I a beautiful field.

I felt trapped.

The frozen truth
Margaret's slimming diary

The frozen fingers emerged from the behind stealthfully creeping around me until I couldn’t breathe. All through the night I shivered, no one took any notice. First thing Margaret came and rescued me – what joy. Except she betrayed and threw me in here. Oh, the shame.”

“Never mind love.” Radish head comforted Lettuce. “Just wait till you see your next abode. I hear from the grapevine that Commander Post loves new recruits.”

The end beckons

“Oh, here she comes. How exciting.” Remarked Lettuce. Scooping up the biodegradable material, Margaret headed outside to the Compost bin. “Fair well my vegetable waste, produce some mighty good fertiliser for me.”

Lifting the lid, Margaret tipped the contents of the bin into the dark organic matter.

“Well hello Lettuce, welcome to my world” snickered Commander Post.

Margaret's slimming diary

The waiting is over

“What! You’re joking.” Turning to see if any feet stood on the scales behind me, I checked my pockets for anything heavy – Nothing.

Quietly the scale monitor penned +2lbs into my book. Where had that come from?

Did I hear a snicker from Lettuce paying me back for putting her in the Compost bin? Surely not.

+2 lbs a mystery – I had continued eating as I did the previous weeks and the weight fell off, but not today!

It’s a blip but 2lbs that is a lot. I can’t blame “going out”, “bingeing” or chocolate so it must be the flat bottom syndrome from sitting down and writing too much.

A silver lining

Margaret's slimming diary

Within a few minutes of feeling gutted an award for “Slimmer of the Month” surprised me – guess who received it – me!  Talk about gob-smacked, for once I was shocked into silence.

What has taken you by surprise?

I can’t stop eating chocolate Best ultimate advice

My slimming journal - Warning My confessions - chocolate makes me madMy mouth drools at the sight and smell of chocolate and cake. Starting a diet that excludes my favourite foods or radically curtails their consumption is going to be a nightmare. I can see tantrums on the horizon especially if someone tells me to eat a pickled onion instead!  How can a pickled onion give me that same warm, sensational hug that I desire? Give me a break!

My advice for those who can’t stop eating chocolate -share then you only eat half as much!

To be or not to be weighed

As some of you know, I am now attending Slimming World. Today that allMy slimming journal - Warning My confessions - chocolate makes me mad important weigh in after a two-week gap due to celebrating my Silver Wedding Anniversary. Did I lose anything apart from my shoes? You will have to scroll down to the bottom of the post to find out. If you scoot to the end, you will miss an entertaining post – even if I do say so myself!

 

Continue reading “I can’t stop eating chocolate Best ultimate advice”

Dear people who absolutely hate a frustrating diet

Do you know there is no such thing as an easy diet – unless you are my hub who just stops eating the biscuits and loses half a stone – don’t you just hate that?

Why should he have all the fun?

 

Dear people who absolutely hate a frustrating diet

Continue reading “Dear people who absolutely hate a frustrating diet”

Lettuce verdict – murder by misadventure

Lettuce doff our caps and bow our heads for a minutes silence.

Slimming humour - Lettuce verdict, murder by misadventure

It is with great sadness that we are in court today to decide on the matter of Lettuce’s demise. You as the jury must deliberate the evidence and unanimously state if Margaret is guilty or innocent.

What have you to say, Margaret?

I wish to plead not guilty your honour.

Very well state your defence.

It all began last week when I decided to change my life style. I first met Lettuce at the supermarket. We instantly connected. I invited her home, and we became friends – she was always accompanying me at meals.

Continue reading “Lettuce verdict – murder by misadventure”

Pound by Pound – Ten Crazy Sure Ways to Slim

Pound by pound ten Crazy sure ways to slim by Margaret KazmierczakTen crazy sure ways to slim – get those pounds dropping, pound by pound. Read these ten pointers, and you could be on the new path to a new you!

Here’s the first three…

1. Duck tape is your next best friend for slimming – apply to your mouth and snort your food instead. Watch the pound(s) drop! Continue reading “Pound by Pound – Ten Crazy Sure Ways to Slim”

Overweight mum – how to survive the slimming world

Overweight wobbling along I went to my Slimming World weigh in. Did I appear overeager arriving fifteen minutes early – probably but I wanted to see the results of my lettuce week? Would I be able to see my size three feet that disappeared years ago? Such excitement which subsequently needs an answer to. I can’t wait, hang on I know – but you don’t! On with the show then.

Margaret Kazmierczak's slimming diary
Is it time for my weigh in?

Continue reading “Overweight mum – how to survive the slimming world”